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Sleep and Baths

Having a bath is one of the things that I find most relaxing. It’s funny that I say that because I don’t think that I have taken the time to have a nice bath in over a couple of years. Particularly since I’ve had kids, there really doesn’t seem to be time for such things during my day, so it has been showers for me.

A bath, when done right, can almost be a mystical experience. Turn the lights down, light some candles, fill the tub with nice hot water, add some soap and slip into the bath. Nice deep breaths with your eyes closed, you can feel the tension from your day slipping away. Once you get out of the bath, you feel like rubber and could probably fall asleep within about a minute of your head hitting your pillow. All of this sounds like the perfect recipe for something that you would want to build into your child’s nighttime routine. Maybe throw in a story, a cuddle and a song or two and you might think that this is the golden recipe for getting your child to sleep, but you may want to reconsider.

Baby Bath Time Realities

bath-time
Would you go to sleep right after this?

There are significant differences between the type of bath time that your child experiences and the “adult” bath time that I described above. I think there are a range of reactions that children have to the mention of a bath. In our house, for example, it is usually like a party has been announced. Once they are in the bath, there is playing, laughing, fighting over toys and screaming from being splashed. Our kids are still not partial to having their hair washed, so there may be tears shed when it is time to wash their hair. Once they are out of the bath, they don’t look at all like I feel when I climb out of the bath. They seem fresh, awake, invigorated and entirely unlikely to go to sleep. Having considered the obvious differences between adult and baby bath times, you can see how it might not be the best part of a good bedtime routine.

Sleep and Sanity

The fact of the matter is that if your child is not getting the sleep they need, then neither are the parents. As parents become increasingly sleep deprived, they will also become much less able to deal effectively with their sleep deprived children. Avoiding bathing your child right before bed isn’t the sole answer to establishing a good bedtime routine, but it is a factor in the overall picture. I have written a couple of posts pertaining to sleep already:

Both of these posts are based on suggestions we received from a sleep expert who lives in our area, named Wendy Hall, PhD, RN, and I can’t recommend her advice enough. We have had our own troubles getting our kids to sleep at times too, but overall we have had a great deal of success using the methods that Wendy put forward. Building a good sleep routine for your kids takes time, and you may not get the results you want as quickly as you want, but the sooner you start, the better off you’ll be. If you have implemented a good sleep routine, but are still striking out with getting your child to sleep, then it may be time to consult an expert to help you consider other potential problems and solutions. Good luck!

The “Big Talks”

Adult content is for kids too!

There are a lot of “big talks” that my wife and I are going to have with our kids and one of those talks will be about sex. I have a rough idea of how I’d like to approach the topic of sex. Very generally, my preferred approach is to start dialogue with my kids very early. In fact, some of the ground work has already been laid with my kids, as we have already given them some of the basic vocabulary that they will need to develop some of their own questions.

The (Not So) Big Talk

I don’t actually plan on having a talk about sex with my kids. Instead I plan on having a series of small talks with them as new questions arise. At the moment, my kids are really just observers that make comments about the world. They don’t really ask many questions, but they do have some of the vocabulary that they will need when they do decide to start making sexual queries.

When the first sexual questions arrive, my general plan is to provide simple answers addressing the questions that are asked. If more questions follow, then bring them on, but there is no need to overwhelm them with extraneous information. Providing simple and accurate information will be easier to present in a way that is not awkward and it will establish Jenn and I as a reliable source of information. My hope is that this will encourage good communication about sex as our children’s questions become more complex.

Starting Young

I was talking to an acquaintance the other day about this topic and I found it interesting when he told me that his parents talked to him about sex when he was very young. He said that the result was that he started trying to have sex from a very early age. Unfortunately the setting was not the right one for me to probe this topic deeper, and the conversation drifted to other topics. Without more context to this comment it is hard to make any useful commentary about this statement. I find myself wondering what kind of “talk” this person was given. I also wonder if he fully understood my motivation for opening up the dialogue about sex with my kids at an early age.

There certainly seems to be some good reasons to try to discourage your kids from having sex at too early an age.

According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, “Early timing of sexual initiation is important for two reasons. First, the younger the age of first sexual intercourse, the more likely that the experience was coercive, and forced sexual intercourse is related to long lasting negative effects. —Source

This quote seems to support the idea that people will benefit from becoming sexually active at an older age. I wonder, however, if youngsters are  more likely to have a coercive sexual experience because they are young or because they had bad sex education? More to the point, I wonder if bad sex education leads to a situation where people choose to have sex at a younger age than they would if they had better sex education?

One way or the other, the graph below shows that kids do start having sex when they are quite young. With that in mind, the intention of my approach is to provide my kids with the best information that I can give them about sex and sexuality to help them make informed decisions.

Percent of teens who claim to have had sex, by age

Age Boys Girls
14 7.9% 5.7%
15 14.6% 13.0%
16 25.3% 26.8%
17 39.4% 43.1%
18 54.3% 58.0%
19 65.2% 70.1%

I want my children to have good, fun and meaningful sexual experiences when they are prepared to have such encounters. This will not be possible without a good understanding of their sexuality and all of the implications of their sexual interactions. The point of teaching my kids about sex and sexuality isn’t so that they don’t have sex, it is so that when they do, they are prepared.